#991 Realistic Dreams

Yes, I stole this from Sam's tweets about terrible dreams. A word of caution, this will not be a post outlining how I had a dream about my bike being stolen and it frightened me in my sleep because it was so realistic. To be honest, I'm not a fan of personal belongings (haha) and if I have anything stolen, I probably deserved it. This post will be slightly mopy and depressing. Just the way I like it.

So what a lot of people don't know about me is that I like to get involved in everything (this story has a point, I swear). I support a ton of causes, and will often use my "talents" (loose term) to help out in whatever way I can. Unfortunately, despite my enthusiasm for getting involved in a number of things, I'm in the real world and I can't succeed at everything. Which is fine. When I'm met with rejection, I deal with it. I talk it out for an hour, then I'm over it.

My brain, however, does not deal with it. It's become a fear of mine, my dreams. I don't dream often, to be honest, and when I do, they're terrible and vicious. My dreams are ass holes.

So I applied to be a Resident Assistant at school and, despite making it through to the last step, I was cut. It sucked for a while but I was fine soon after and the next week I was back to killing myself with whatever unecessary activity I could get myself involved with. A week later, though, is when the dreams started. They truly were ass holes. I dreamt that I got an e-mail from Residence Life saying they made an error, and that they wanted me to become an RA. I dreamt that the chosen RAs somehow no longer wanted to be RAs and that I was to step in. I dreamt that I didn't know I was rejected and I turned up to an RA training day and ended up embarassing myself. This was not one night's worth of dreams, this was probably two week's worth of torture.

I would be totally fine if this were a one-off haunting. But this happens every single goddamn time. Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist. How can I be okay in the real world, and then be absolutely desimated by my dreams? Weird subconscious games I have to play every time. And the worst part is always waking up thinking it reality, and it's devastating for that split second when I realize that it isn't true.

Then I return to my postmodern existence as if nothing had ever happened.

Eff that shizz, though.

I HATE IT!