#982 The Black Clock

I am sitting in an empty computer helpdesk, and I am the only person in the entire building. The air conditioner has been turned off for the weekend, and the leather couch is calling my name. Rarely in my life do I experience absolute silence: this ain't no rural Michigan, and I ain't no farmer of genetically modified grain. I have nothing pressing to do, I have no responsibilities at this juncture, I am completely at peace, and there's no sign of inter-

TICK FUCKING TOCK I'M A MOTHERFUCKING CLOCK THAT HAS COMETH TO RAINETH ON YOUR PARADE-TH, SIMPLETON!

The black clock, only a few feet from where I sit, menacingly spins its thin red second hand. Fuck the manufacturing process, I smell the devil is afoot. You don't even spin evenly, I don't think, you cocky, French lesbian. Every second you pound out is another perversion of my eardrums, my personal space is invaded by your insistence on piercing my soul. Spare me your excuses, and spare me your inanimacy: I know your true nature is to harass and belittle me.

Please, black clock, I beg you, black clock, if it were any other day, black clock, I'd let you tick away, black clock. Today, however, I just want to sit on the leather couch in peace, while the time you imitate so willingly passes to the end of my work shift.

Please, black clock, pretty please, black clock?

Thank you black clock, you listened. We truly are friends, aren't we, black clock? I love you, black clock, don't ever leave me.

#983-THE RADIO

"Airplanes" by B.O.B, "This Afternoon" by NickelBack, "Blah, Blah, Blah" by Kesha, "(I refuse to use a dollar sign as an 'S'. That is just fucking dumb), "California Girls" by Katy Perry, "Cooler Than Me" by Mike Posner etc. All of these songs combined create this extremely POWERFUL force that has almost made me drive my car off of the road and into a telephone pole on multiple occasions. There is NO ESCAPING shitty music anymore and when you're in your car it's even worse. It's as though you're stuck in a tiny prison cell. It has come to the point where a human being doesn't have to have an OUNCE of talent to "make it" in the music industry.

Let's review these lyrics:

"And don't you dare act like you don't know, know what's up. 'Cause your nose is up. I'm approaching up. Like I can't give you Winter in the summer or summer in the winter. Miami in December."

"Boy come on get your rocks stuff. Come on put a little love in my glove box. I wanna dance with no pants on, holla."

"We got weeds in the backyard, four feet tall. Cheech and Chong probably would have smoked them all."

and of course, the EVER POPULAR:

"‎~*~*CaN We pReTeND tHat AiRpLanEs In ThE NigHt SkY aRe LyKe sHoOtInG STarS? I CoUlD RlY UsE A WiSh rIgHt NoW!1!!!*~*~"

I could go on and on and on but I don't want to be responsible for mass suicide.

I don't know about you but when I'm driving I need good tunes to ease my travels. You can't find that anymore and if you're like me and don't have a cd player/tape player in your car then you're stuck with massive amounts of bullshit-"I WANNA BE A BILLIONAIRE ~SO FRIGGIN' BADDDDDD~" NO. NO. NO. NO!!!! "~*tHe paRTY DoN'T sToP 'TiLL I wALk In*~"

And the lyrics aren't even the BIGGEST issue with the songs either. The people SINGING the lyrics make it 10x worse. Nickelback? Do they sand paper their vocal chords before singing? Kesha? What the fuck is wrong with that bitch? Her voice is a mixture between Nick Jonas' screechy yodel singing and a Pterodactyl. Mike Posner sounds like a RAPIST-"you think you're cooler than me." HOW can ANYONE drive while listening to this?!

I never remember toying with the radio tuner THIS MUCH. Doesn't it seem like the radio has taken a HUGE turn for the worse!? In the 90's you could cruise and you didn't really complain. I remember sitting in the passenger seat, eating McDonalds, listening to Celine Dion's, "Coming Back To Me Now" and absolutely LOVING LIFE. And if you weren't feeling Celine's divine vocals, you could change the channel and Seal's sexy as hale voice would great you with, "Kiss From A Rose."

NOW you change the channel from Justin Bieber's "Babbaay babbbaaay" to Eminem and Rihanna's, "LOOK ME IN THE EYEBALL...Spewin' VENOM... ~Love The Way YoU lIe~" It's like choosing between being shot 20 times in the face or being eaten alive by hungry Gorillas.

SIGH. FUUUU----!

# 984-BLOGS

Yes. I am writing a blog entry about how much I DESPISE BLOGS. SO MANY people are hopping onto this band wagon and the majority of them are arrogant pieces of shizz who just want the opportunity to boast about their lives- "Come read my blog about how to manage graduate school stress!" "Just made a blog about my NEW JOB!" NO. ONE. GIVES. A. DAMN. The only person who is going to read your blog, that is MOST LIKELY FULL of dumb fuckery, are a few Facebook friends and your mom (MAYBE). If you're between the ages of 0-25, have accomplished little to nothing important, and have created a blog giving ADVICE (ESPECIALLY ABOUT THE 'REAL WORLD')-get off of the internet. Am I the only one who feels this way!!? Guys, I am SO PASSIONATE about this. How many people are creating blogs who have ZERO actual intelligence? No one cares about your new job. And NO ONE CARES about how YOU managed to accomplish something i.e. getting into grad school or surviving the S.A.T. Save it for your diary. So maybe I just hate CERTAIN blogs and not ALL blogs. I had to get this out there. HAD. TO.