#975 Slowed-down Acoustic Covers of Dance or Pop Singles

The slowed-down acoustic cover of a dance or pop song is performed most frequently by a white girl with an acoustic guitar, but they can also be achieved with the help of a friend-who-plays acoustic guitar, or a with a portable Casio keyboard. These started popping up more and more after the release of Rihanna's single "Umbrella" which every white person with an acoustic guitar decided to record themselves covering in the summer of 2007. Even Mandy Moore (from 'A Walk to Remember'? Sang that one song 'Candy'? No?) got a piece of that action. There's a certain kind of person out there that likes dance or pop singles but feel they're too fast, too catchy, too enjoyable at their current tempo, and have the intense urge to slow them down. What they don't realize is that dance songs have INCREDIBLY shitty lyrics 98% of the time. That's why they're put to fast music-- it distracts the listener. Sometimes I'll be singing along to something and not even register what the fuck I'm saying. That's the beauty of pop music! At work sometimes I'll catch myself actually mouthing the words "honey got some boobies like wow-oh-wow" -- would I do the same if the song was acoustic and slowed down? Hell the fuck no. There's just some words that shouldn't be put to acoustic guitar.

Nowadays you can search for literally any dance and/or pop single on YouTube and find a slowed-down version. To test this theory, I tried to to think of a current song with the worst possible lyrics to hear slowed down. Answer: RUDE BOY by Rihanna.

Check it the fuck out:

Can she sing pretty well? Yes. Can he play guitar pretty well? Yes. But I didn't enjoy this at all because THOSE HIDEOUS LYRICS become 900x more hideous when I'm allowed to pay attention to them without being distracted by up-tempo background music. WHY???

Another PRIME example:

I HATE IT!!!