It's kind of ironic that I am posting an entry about how I HATE negativity in a blog dedicated to hatred BUT it must be done. The negativity I'm talking about isn't just disliking certain things that are outside of yourself but things that exist within yourself...if that makes any sense. The worst form of hatred, in my opinion, is being unhappy in your own skin, of disliking who you are, or what you have done or are doing. Example-ish: if something doesn't pan out the way you thought it would and you begin to beat yourself up about it and just wallow in disappointment. That sort of thing. You get the point. This negativity can consume you and it consumed me today. It's going to sound EXTREMELY petty (this is just important to me) but I was practicing my voice today and certain things fell apart. My breathe support was off, I didn't sound like I usually do, my voice tired out too quickly and other things. All of these things combined just made me feel crappy. I began to question my abilities and I just sat and complained about it to my friends. After an hour or so of just constant questioning I realized that my negativity was like adding fuel to a fire. My aggravation and disappointment contributed to the tiring of my voice, to my breathe support being iffy etc (amongst other things like the weather and stuff...blah, blah). How can you make ANY progress when you're doubting yourself? It's a waste of time. But it's hard to be positive sometimes but we all have to be. We have to push through and know that victory can be ours. Certain things take hard work and perseverance is key.Am I just ranting? Probably. But this entry has helped me get some things out in the open. I promise to try and be positive once in a while, ahaha. You should too!
Conclusion:
Negativity sucks. I guess I can be negative towards negativity!! :)
I HATE IT!
Hah. No, you're not getting away without a lecture from me on this one.
ReplyDeleteI must be a pro at "things not working out". What do you think would happen if I let things get to me?
What if, when a fugly youtube commenter commented on one of my silly videos saying it was "shit", I said "hmm, you're right, I'll just pursue something else"?
What if, when the judges said no to me on the prelim rounds of PC idol, I decided that this singing thing was never going to happen? I actually would never have been in Urinetown. Funny, no?
What if I said, when I freaking failed that English Proficiency test in my Freshman Sem (I only had one chance, a mix-up with the English office), "hmmm I probably suck at English"? If I said that, I probably wouldn't have pursued my writing minor and ending up winning the Fortin Award for essay writing in my second freshman sem.
What if I said, when the RA people said no to me being RA, that I'm just not cut out to be in a leadership position? Do you think I'd be the President of PC's Society Organized Against Racism and on the board for 2 other clubs?
Now I know how it feels. Having a below mediocre singing voice such as myself, I know the only way I'll get better is by doing something about it. You've at least one-upped me by sticking to it. I've never stuck to anything (and it's taking it's toll).
Wait why are we even discussing this? You're amazing, and you know it. You know what this is like? It's like Serena Williams saying "hmm I'm not doing as well as I could be doing at tennis" when she's like...the queen of tennis. And you're the PC queen of singing. And musical theatre.
How can you make ANY progress when you're doubting yourself? I think it just takes a certain deal of trusting other people (literally ask ANYONE you know about your vocal ability).
Yeah I know you already kinda sorted yourself out with the perseverance thing. But it's worth noting that, if anyone was to worry about vocal ability, you would be the last.
AND DON'T FORGET IT, HO.