#972 pop-punk tracks circa the early '00s with whiny lead vocals

Before you start this post, please scroll down, click the first link, and let it play as you read for a fuller, more comprehensive experience.

This is an extremely specific thing to hate. I'm talking EARLY '00s POP-PUNK TRACKS WITH WHINY VOCALS. ALL OF IT. Think of a pop-punk track. Was it released in the early '00s? Does it have whiny vocals? Above all, did it reach the top 5 on TRL? Was it retired from TRL from being played so goddamn often? Anything that falls under this umbrella I hate with a fiery passion.

A lot of people I grew up with/went to school with/am still forcibly aware of because of the Internet connect early '00s pop-punk with great memories of their formative years. This includes: becoming a tween/teen, connecting with "real" musician-based music for the first time (/becoming a "music snob"), going to their first concert, losing some sort of virginity, forging some sort of identity, chewing gum, not giving a fuck, finding a "scene," writing lyrics in ballpoint pen on the rubber parts of a pair of SCUFFED UP converse all-stars-- etc. So like, basically, they hear something by Blink 182 and feel a warm nostalgia. I, in turn, feel annoyed, annoyed, annoyed, and also annoyed.

A few years ago, Blink 182, after going on an indefinite hiatus after the pop-punk craze of the late 90's/early to mid '00s died down, decided they'd get back together and go on a reunion tour. You better fucking BELIEVE basically everyone you and I knew in middle/high school were first in line for tickets. I was like "huh." Music is subjective and I'm not judging you if you still like Blink 182 as an adult who has probably been exposed to a billion better, more creative bands, because you connect them to a certain nostalgic period in your life and feel a connection to them for that reason. I think that's like, nice. It's nice as fuck, actually. BUT to actually try to say that they're one of the best bands, musically, of all time, etc. (which is something I read a lot of via facebook statuses, etc.) is kind of weird to me. I mean, they certainly inspired a lot of other bands, which is cool. But were the bands they inspired any better than Blink 182 themselves? None that I'm aware of (correct me if I'm wrong). I heard a lot of Good Charlotte's and Sum-41's and PANIC AT THE DISCO'S citing them as inspirations, but is that even, like, a good thing? Is it enough to be calling them some GREAT band? I don't know. I don't think so but I'm not educated in music at all. I'm just saying this as someone who watched shitloads of TRL in the early '00s.

Personally, I hate this music, and it's not even because it fucks with the sanctity of punk, pop, rock n' roll, or whatever; it probably has a lot to do with the fact that I connect it with the vibe or atmosphere that was present at my particular High School which was like, if you were in a terrible metal or pop-punk band, you were high on the popularity totem pole (with a few exceptions obviously, but overall). Our school was horrible at sports, so making a sports team was pretty meaningless when compared to being able to strum a few power chords and sing in a whiny voice at the annual Battle of the Bands competition. You better fucking BELIEVE people had on wristbands. Wristbands, baby, for when we sweat in the MOSH PIT in the AUDITORIUM at our SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL at 8:45 PM.

Well anyway, we've gotten off topic here because my bitterness about my entire childhood experience got in the way.

Here's a list of a few songs I loathe from this time period, just so you can get a feel for it.

01. Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional. This song is KING of this post even though it peaked in popularity toward the mid '00s. All I need is to hear one line of this guy singing this song and I feel undeniable hate and annoyance instantly.

02. Miss You by Blink 182. Tom Delonge's stupid fucking voice is a piece of fucking shit compared to the other guy's. Actually, it's a piece of shit compared to any other sound in the world. I'd rather hear a giant metal claw scrape against a chalkboard for 3 minutes than this song. Maybe I should've limited my Blink 182 rant to only the songs Tom sings lead on. Whatever, it's too late now. Pretend I did. I only know Tom's full name because it's burned into the "hate" section of my brain. His voice repulses me on such a personal level. Every time I hear it it's like someone's yelling "fuck you" at me really loudly, like, right in my face.

WHERE AWWWRRRR YOOOUUU? AND OYM SO SAWWRRYYYY. I CANNOT SLEEP, I CANNOT DREAM TANOIGHT.

03. Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard. Nigh-height.

04. Taking Back Sunday - Cute Without the E. HOLY WOW, you guys. I just listened to this for purely journalistic purposes (because I owe you the best blogs possible.) WOW. This is worse than I even remember it being. I heard the first line of vocals and actually considered deafening myself to fully prevent ever having to hear them again. I mean, right now I was able to pause it and move on with my life, but what about in the future? This song kills me on a whole crazier level when I think of how EXTRAORDINARILY popular Taking Back Sunday was amongst the coolest of the cool altz at my school. This was "the shit". Think about that! WOW.

05. New Found Glory - All Downhill From Here. I actually laughed out loud when the vocals of this one started. How the fuck was this taken seriously by human beings? I know we were teens... I know. But how?

06. Avril Lavigne - Complicated. Here's the First Lady of early '00s pop-punk with her first hit single wherein she bemoans her alt bff becoming a preppy fake asshole who doesn't like trashing stupid mainstream stores at the mall with her to pass the time because he's all like, "the employees at these stores make next to nothing, isn't it kind of bullshit to ride mini ATVs and fuck with their displays when it doesn't affect 'the man' at all, just the people working there to put themselves through college and/or support their families" and she and her crew were like, wow fuck you and your country club cardigan ASSHOLE. Go listen to U2 or something, DAD.

Her vocals slice through me on this track like no other. They're whiny as shit, especially the last "noOOOoooOO--Ooooo" that closes out the song.

07. Addicted by Simple Plan. I'm a dick. I'm addicted to you. SICK wordplay on the part of the guy who writes the lyrics in this band. Coming from a band with an album titled "No pads, no helmets... just balls" you're gonna have to expect some CLEVER SHIT from these dudes. The song is terrible. The lead singer's voice, at the very least, sounds like a pile of bullshit. I picked this one because I'm pretty sure it was their first single or something, but honestly, any one of their songs fits here. He sounds like shit in ALL OF THEM. Just whiny and shitty and awful. WHOA okay, I just decided to google what their actual first single was. It was this song called I'm Just a Kid. Please, if you do nothing else today, LISTEN TO THIS SONG.

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare / I'm just a kid and I know that it's not fair / Nobody cares because I'm alone/ and the world is having more fun than me.

The world is having more fun than me.

I just did some more research and the song was released in 2002, and the guy writing this shit was born in 1981. That means these lyrics were written in a sincere fashion by a 20/21 year old man. 20 years old, guys. We have it good with Taylor Swift in 2011. We have it really fucking good. She's Shakespeare in comparison to what teens were (apparently) relating to in the early '00s. This has taken a depressing turn, so I'll end here.

Needless to say, I HATE IT!!!

What's your most hated song from this era in pop-culture history???? REPLY BELOW.

#973 Group Projects.

The first thing I'm looking for on any given syllabus the first day of class is if there's gonna be a group project. I SCAN the page like a fucking robot programmed to look for the words "group+project" and when I find it... nothing makes sense anymore. I have a small crisis right there at my desk. Inside my head I'm cursing the Professor's very existence. I guess the only thing I can compare scanning the syllabus like this to is when you're waiting for your online bank account to load. There's that same overwhelming sense of dread. NOT finding a group project in there is a small victory; much like finding out you have more than $0 in your checking. So what I'm trying to say is, the monetary value of a group project is $0. Plus a $30 overdraft fee because you just HAD to get that coffee coollatta and didn't give a fuck at the time but now it's like FUCK that shitty drink cost me $30???????? IT WASN'T EVEN THAT GOOD

Let me take this to da next level: anything is preferable to a group project to me. ANYTHING. 100 question cumulative final exam? Sounds fair, count me in! 15-page term paper? Awesome, I'm totally game! Group project? NO. This is NEVER OK! It could be a class titled "working 2-gether 101" and a group project would still piss me off. I'm like an animal who tried to eat a rabbit, but it turns out that rabbit was decaying and that shit made me throw up for like 9 hours. Okay? Go with me here. So now I HATE rabbits. I don't wanna ever try to eat a fucking rabbit again. Why would I? That one rabbit made me throw up for 9 HOURS. Well every time I'm assigned a group project it's my stupid ass doing someone else's part plus my own, squinting at the computer screen for days, wondering if throwing myself off a bridge is too dramatic, etc. So it doesn't really matter if in the future I'm blessed with a hard-working group (lol @ the very thought) because I'm always gonna expect the 9 hours of throwing up. I DON'T WANT TO DO ANY MORE GROUP PROJECTS OKAY???

More absolute bullshit: I've been in groups with people who are ACTUALLY stupid. I'm talking undeniably, unequivocally, stupid. They don't understand this world at all. They're on a beautiful cloud while you and I are stuck on the horrible Earth. They get 70's on tests and feel a sense of pride. "At least I passed!" they say. "These credits will be transferable because I got above a D!" they CRY. Am I gonna get extra points for dealing with them? No. Am I gonna get extra points for ~guiding them, ~teaching them to spread their wingz and fly, ~writing their entire section over because what they did was FUCKING STUPID? NO. No! Being in a group project is a thankless fucking job. Also, I don't have time for this. I have other classes. Meeting awkwardly with people who don't do work to the same standards as mine is a waste of time.

The truly insane thing: I've never met a human being out there who looks forward group projects in my LIFETIME. That means even the lazy motherfuckers who unload all the work onto the "leader" of the group (reader, you better believe that person is always me) don't even like doing them. I've honestly never been in a group that has had an even distribution of effort in my life. Frankly, I feel like such a group is a MYTH. So just imagine being the terrible person who watches as everyone else does all the work for you, getting an A, and still feeling like "wow, I really H8 group projects." It's PURE LUNACY. And no one learns from them, either. What exactly are we learning? How to bullshit, that's what. I can't even say that I like watching them. All I consistently get out of these is a seething hatred for my fellow man. So why we gotta play this game? Why?

This post is brought to you by the group project I have due tomorrow at 9:30 AM

I HATE IT!!!!

NO MORE GROUP PROJECTS

CAN I GET AN AMEN

#974-Douche-Ass Motorcyclists

Nothing hurts me more than driving and witnessing an asshole on a motorcycle try to SHOW OFF by revving their engine and speeding in front of moving vehicles. Do you ACTUALLY think any of us drivers are impressed? WE AREN'T. All we see is a complete douche bag with a death wish acting like an idiot. You NEVER wear a helmet. Why? Are you afraid people will judge you and call you "gay" (Hillary Duff, don't stick your two senses into this blog post)? AND not only are you putting yourself in danger but you are also scaring the SHIT out of me because if I fucking HIT YOU, I'll be SCREWED. And when you're sprawled out on the pavement, I hope your entire body hurts and I hope the angels that are coming to take your soul, call you "gay" and then torment you like your classmates in high school did. I know, I know. The locker room sucked for you because you had and still have a small penis. Don't over compensate by buying a bright red motorcycle and putting everyones' lives in danger. And just another thing-your wife beater billowing in the wind is so dumb. I hate looking at it.

So my advice? Wear a helmet. Your head will thank you. Stop wearing tank tops and cargo pants. Wear some leather like the guy in the photo above. It'll help your skin when you're sliding on the pavement after a failed Poppa Wheelie. Okay? Thanks.

#975 Slowed-down Acoustic Covers of Dance or Pop Singles

The slowed-down acoustic cover of a dance or pop song is performed most frequently by a white girl with an acoustic guitar, but they can also be achieved with the help of a friend-who-plays acoustic guitar, or a with a portable Casio keyboard. These started popping up more and more after the release of Rihanna's single "Umbrella" which every white person with an acoustic guitar decided to record themselves covering in the summer of 2007. Even Mandy Moore (from 'A Walk to Remember'? Sang that one song 'Candy'? No?) got a piece of that action. There's a certain kind of person out there that likes dance or pop singles but feel they're too fast, too catchy, too enjoyable at their current tempo, and have the intense urge to slow them down. What they don't realize is that dance songs have INCREDIBLY shitty lyrics 98% of the time. That's why they're put to fast music-- it distracts the listener. Sometimes I'll be singing along to something and not even register what the fuck I'm saying. That's the beauty of pop music! At work sometimes I'll catch myself actually mouthing the words "honey got some boobies like wow-oh-wow" -- would I do the same if the song was acoustic and slowed down? Hell the fuck no. There's just some words that shouldn't be put to acoustic guitar.

Nowadays you can search for literally any dance and/or pop single on YouTube and find a slowed-down version. To test this theory, I tried to to think of a current song with the worst possible lyrics to hear slowed down. Answer: RUDE BOY by Rihanna.

Check it the fuck out:

Can she sing pretty well? Yes. Can he play guitar pretty well? Yes. But I didn't enjoy this at all because THOSE HIDEOUS LYRICS become 900x more hideous when I'm allowed to pay attention to them without being distracted by up-tempo background music. WHY???

Another PRIME example:

I HATE IT!!!

#976 People Who Scream "Sing" in Choir Settings

We all know you LOVE to sing but we're in a CHORUS, a CHOIR. Definition: An organized company of singers. You are not the lead singer in your own band. When you SCREAM "sing" it hurts everyone around you. I don't care if you're mother fucking ELAINE PAGE who has the voice of an ANGEL. Lower the volume! If you want to hear yourself sing, get the heck out of the chorus. All you're doing is straining your body and making it harder for everyone around you to sing. AND screaming the lyrics makes ALL OF THOSE around you sound like pure crap. It ruins the sound of the chorus. Everything is supposed to sound uniform but you constantly and WITHOUT fail mess it up! So next time, please, stop. Okay?

I HATE IT!

#977-Fake Laughing in Order To Preserve Friendship

No one can REALLY force you to do anything you don't want to do BUT everyone has felt obligated to fake laugh at one point or another. I usually fake laugh to make people feel better about themselves or to fill awkward silences. There is NOTHING worse than witnessing someone crack a joke, it NOT being the least bit funny and then NO ONE laughing. It hurts me to witness this! Oh and it's ESPECIALLY worse when the joke-cracker is doing stand-up or is in a comedy group! They continually humiliate themselves in front of crowds and it's just.....GAWD. It legitimately hurts PHYSICALLY to fake laugh. Ever notice? Your face muscles have to work EXTRA hard to pull this fake laughter off. It's draining. I think I've fake laughed over 1,000,000 times in my life. I think I fake laugh at LEAST once every day. I'm not claiming to be this EXPERT on what is humorous BUT when you don't feel like laughing you just DON'T feel like laughing! Something goes off in your brain when something tickles your funny bone. Maybe my funny bone is defective?

I've been to comedy shows where the room ERUPTS into laughter at the most unfunny things. I look around the room thinking, "Really? What am I missing?" I am then CONVINCED that 85% of the people around me are fake laughing out of compassion and pity. They HAVE to be! OR AGAIN, I'm an idiot and don't "GET" comedy. Sorry, but I don't think someone screaming, "poop" at the top of their lungs is funny. Why do you? Okay, we're ALL different so MAYBE something INSIDE of you (is it genetic?) makes you THINK that certain things are funny. Who the FUCK KNOWS.

BACK to the point: Fake laughter hurts. I'm going to get fake-laugh lines on my face and be pissed for years. And ALTHOUGH fake laughter can make people FEEL GOOD, don't you think we're causing permanent damage? This person or these people are going to stroll around town thinking they're this accomplished comedian and it's ALL a lie. And if we STOPPED fake laughing altogether, maybe we wouldn't have to endure being around unfunny people? They would just STOP altogether?

Again, DISCLAIMER PEOPLE, I KNOW people have fake laughed at my jokes (everyone has been a victim of fake laughter) BUT I can detect the fake-ness. I have this "bullshit" radar. SO ONCE people have fake laughed at my jokes, I STOP. A lot of people have this radar.

Let's STOP fake laughing. Our faces will thank us and so will the unfunny people we fake laugh at.

I HATE IT.

#978-"Progressive" Commercials

We get it. You're cute, helpful and cheery. Personally, I've had enough of you and your awkward shenanigans. Whenever you appear on my television screen, I die a little inside.

Sorry ~*gurl*~

I hate it!

#979 Mornings

I had forgotten what mornings felt like.

What the hell are they for? At noon, when the sun is at its brightest, the coffee tastes that much better, the people are that much nicer, and real work actually begins. What's with the foreplay? Why do we insist on dragging the working class to work at 8 or 9am, only to have them sit at an office, and dully, inefficiently, sluggishly pound away at a keyboard without any recognition of what they are actually supposed to be doing.

I've heard the myth about "morning people", and people will use this excuse for why the work day starts so early, but has anyone actually met a morning person? Do people actually get up in the morning, stretch their arms above their heads, and scream "Activity!". I don't believe such a person exists, and no amount of Saturday morning cartoon depictions can successfully drill this into our youth.

How about we stop with the delusion that morning is useful for anyone below the age of 60, cancel breakfast indefinitely, have a law that people are not to be seen outside of their homes at 10am (a form of martial law I WOULD support), and we can all go on with our lives. Deal?

I hate them!

#980-Mattress Sheets

Dude. Mattress sheets/covers NEVER stay on. EVER. I am so sick of it. Every damn night mine slips off and I'm left sleeping on this plastic mattress cover I use to protect me from allergens that thrive in the actual mattress. AND I HATE putting them on! I can never get it JUST RIGHT. You have to lift the mattress, move it from side to side, sprawl your body out on the bed, stretch your arms etc. What next? A fucking algebra equation? GOD. DAMMIT. MATTRESS!!!!!